Momma says...

I still like to chase butterflies
I still like the old woman and her hut on the moon
I still like to jump around when I am happy
I still fall in love with every person who makes me happy
I still like riddles, long, short weird riddles
I still dream about the stars and about reaching them
I still like when Jerry fools Tom
I still get scared when I am alone
I still think every christmas Santa comes doen and distributes gifts to little children
I still like to make bubbles
I still think everyone who calls you a friend, is your friend
I still like painting a house a sun and birds
I still like nice pink candyfloss
I still like to play... anything
I still like to dance in the first rain...

Momma says I need to grow up.

Tasveerein...

Kabhi kabhi kuch tasveerein aapke saath rehte rehte badi ho jati hai. Agar vo tasveer, tasveer na hokar ek aisa vyakti hota jiske saath aap aaj bhi baithkar har shaam chai peete hain, toh who shaayad abhi bhi utni hi hoti. Phir ek vaqt aata hai, ki who tasveer itni badi ho jaati hai, ki ghar mein har bulaye- binbulaaye mehmaan ki nazar sabse pehle ussi par padti hai. Aap chaahe ya na chaahe who pooch hi lete hai… yeh kya hai? kya haal banaa kar rakha hai?

Maine bhi ek aisi hi tasveer apne ghar ke drawing room ke beecho beech sajaa kar rakhi thi. Main keh sakti hoon, ki yeh mere zindagi ki sabse sunder, sabse adbhoot tasveer rahi hai. Best days of my life.Par ab sochti hoon ki, issey main ek sandook mein sambhalkar rakh doon. Uss din, maine apne sandook mein uss tasveer ko daalne ki koshish ki. Par woh uss sandook mein jaa hi na paayi, jaise shaayad main tumhaari zindagi mein kabhi sama hi naa payi…

Pata hi nahi ki who tasveer utni badi ho gayi, yaa mera sandook chota...

- From my play 'Mrignaini', August 2008

The astrologer

I went to an astrologer and he said my life will change after May. May came and went. Life remained as it is. So I went to him again and he said my stars will change after August for sure. August is half gone. Life is still the same. Absolutely the same! But my stars have changed now. They are telling me that I should change the astrologer.

Memory lane

Walking through a road once traveled was an experience I can't forget. I saw a younger me saving up money for a week to watch a film, i saw a younger me seeing the right column of a menu card and deciding what to order for lunch. I saw a younger me with dreams in her eyes. Dreams to make it big, dreams to conquer the world.
Dreams... they give you strength.. strength to fly. Dreams ignite passion. But sometimes passion makes you vulnerable. Because in passion everything matters. Every little thing, every little detail matters.

I saw the roads I had traveled and I have forgotten now. I saw the people I had met who are long lost. I saw the strangers who had helped me when I was lost. I saw the steps i took to reach where I am today. It was humbling. Simply humbling. I wish I could dream again. I want to fly again.

That wobbly thing...

I saw a body. A mass or maybe the absence of mass

Fluid, unstable, sensitive

It was like a wobbly thing

When the wind blew. It would wobble with it. It would move and shift and displace

It was a lousy body, that looked as a man who was drunk

But then my hand touched the surface, I thought it would wobble again

Or atleast shift a bit

But instead, it parted

To accommodate my hand

To absorb me

I was drowning

I was melting

I was dissolving

I was disintegrating

Only to integrate into an endless me...

Kal raat..

Kal raat ko karvat badalti rahi. Par neend nahi aayi. Neend aa jaati toh shaayad sab kuch theek ho jaata. Swapn sa. Par zindagi ki sacchai ki thand lagti rahi, aur uss thand mein theethoorte hue main neend ka swapn dekti rahi.

Waqt...

Uss din tumhaara phone aaya tha
Kai dino ke baad

Kai sawaal
Ek ke peeche ek,
Apne turn ke liye,
Ek lambi kataar mein ghanton khade rehte.

Kaise ho? Kya kar rahe ho?
Kya sardi hain wahaan?
Kya wahan bhi tumhaari naak par pasina rehta hain?
Kya aaj tumhaare aasmaan ka chand utna hi sunder hain jitna mere aasman ka?
Meri yaad aati hain…? Vagera Vagera.

Baaton ka silsila thamta hi nahi tha…

Tum mere har shabd ko jaante the,
Har shabd ke arth ko pehchaante the,
Aur kabhi kabhi jo shabdon mein nahi kehti
Us baat ko bhi tum jaan lete the.

Kitna kuch kehna tha
Kitna kuch sunna tha
Saare shabdon ko jodkar bhi
Hamaari baatein adhoori reh jaati

Aur aaj … Phir phone pe baat hui
Kai dinon ke baad

Sawaal aaj bhi kai saare the.
Kuch wohi purane, kuch naye se
Kuch kehna the,
Kuch sunna tha.

Par phir ek shor mein tumhaari awaaz
dhoondhli si padti chali gayi
Shaayad bheed apna kaam kar rahi thi
Aur waqt apna...