Aadatan

Hum zindagi mein aksar aadatan jeete. Jaise aadatan jeene ki bhi ek aadat hi ho gayi. Hum aadatan brush karte hain, aadatan ussi time pe ussi tarah ki chai banaate hain, aadatan parents se baat karte yahaan tak ki aadatan friends ko bhi mil lete hain. Bas ek aadat si ho jaati hain. Aap chaahe jo bhi kar rahe ho zindagi mein, baatcheet, kaam, exercise aadat aapka peecha nahi chodegi. Ya shaayad aap aadat ka pallu nahi chodna chahte. Aadat aapko ek familiar sa, comfort zone deti hain. Wahaan sukoon hain. Pedictability hain. Shaayad hum aadaton mein bahut hi safe feel karte hain. Zindagi jaise ek tareeke se hi jeete hain. Ek baar jab kuch cheez click ho jaati hain, hum harroz ussi cheez ko dohraate hain. Its a sure shot success. Kuch alag tareeke se cheezon ko karne mein failure ka darr rehta hain. Par agar aap harroz ussi tareeke se waise hi zindagi jee rahe ho, toh shaayad aapke experiences bhi waise hi honge. Harroz. Ek hi sarikhe.

Par kya sab din ek hi sarikhe se kabhi hote hain? Kya saare log bhi ek hi sareekhe se hote hain? Kya opportunities aur situations bhi kabhi ek hi sareekhe ki hoti hai? Nahi na? To phir humaara zindagi ko dekhne ka aur ussey harroz jeene ka tareeka ek hi sareekha kyon ho? In this way toh hum humaari kaafi interesting si zindagi ke saath na insaafi kar rahe hain. Zindagi harroz aapko ek naya din, ek naya experience dene ki koshish karti hain. Par aapki sui toh bas ek hi song pe jaise atak gayi ho. Is it fair? Is it fair ki hum har din, har ek shaqs ko ek hi taraazu mein tolte hain?

I feel shaayad isiliye bade gyaani log keh gaye hai ki zindagi ke saath behna seekho. Just go with the flow. Kyonki jaise har experience naya hain, waise har experience ko mehsoos karney ka, ussey deal karney ka tareeka bhi toh naya hona chahiye. Aur yeh tabhi mumkin hai jab hum zindagi ko dono haath se sweekar karein aur kahein ki aaja, aaj main tujhme poori tarah se doobne ke liye taiiyaar hoon. Aur shaayad yeh yakin bhi hona chahiye ki us flow ke saath behna humaara kaam hain. Aur humein safely ek chor se doosre chor tak pahunchaana, zindagi ka.

Kahaani

Zindagi kahaaniyon ke bina kitni asahniya hoti. Hum zindagi ki har sacchai kahaaniyon ke ek chashme mein se dekhte hain. Yeh aise hua, kyonki shaayad bhagwaan ko yeh hi manzoor tha. Shaayad jin sawalon ke jawaab humaare paas nahi hote, hum wahan apni hi ek kahaani banakar chipka dete hain. Yeh un sawaalon ka hal to nahi hoti, par shaayad un sawaalon ka sahi jawaab milne tak, woh humein sukoon deti rehti hain. Hum apne man ko in kahaaniyon ke maadhyam se manaa lete hain. Kabhi kabaar yeh kahaaniyan satya se kaafi milti julti hoti hain. Aur kabhi kabaar woh ekdum viprit.

Aaj maine bhi apne man ko mana lene ke liye ek kahaani rachi hai. Isliye nahi ki mujhe sach ki bilkul idea hi nahi hain. Infact mujhe jo mehsoos hua hain, woh sach ke siva aur kuch nahi ho sakta. Par phir bhi maine ek kahaani rachi hain. Shaayad isliye kyonki woh sach itna bhadda, itna ahsahniy hain ki ussey sweekarne se acha main kisi kahaani mein vishwaas karna zyaada pasand karungi.

Mann ki almaari

Uss din kuch zyada kaam nahi tha. Kaafi free sa din tha. Aur kaafi dull sa bhi. Baadalon ne aasman aise gher ke rakha tha, jaise ki koi emergency ka cerfew. Maano aasmaan mein nahi bas mere area mein hi curfew lag gaya ho. Bas baahar jaane ka man hi naa kare.

Baithe baithe maine ek almari poori saaf karli. Saaf safai ka mood itna zabardast ban gaya tha ki bas poocho hi mat. Saara kuch jama diya tha ek din mein. Par ab bhi dil bechain. Aisa lag raha tha, bahut kachra bhara hai. Kahi saaf-safaai ki aur bhi zaroorat hain. Phir khayaal aaya ki mann ki almaari kitne hi dino se nahi kholi thi. Chalo aaj iski bhi saaf-safai ho hi jaaye.

Mann ki almaari kaafi badi si thi. Itne saalon ki, memories, experiemces vagaere sab iss ek almaari mein jo bhare pade they. Maine saaf safaai shuru ki. Ek shelf mein kaafi saari taaza experiences ki potli padi thi. Jab woh kholi, dekha kuch experiences khatte ho gaye they. Shaayad isliye jab bhi akeli baithti mujhe hardam khatta sa swaad mooh mein aata. Unki wajah se baaki jo meethe experiences pade they, woh bhi khatte hone shuru ho gaye they. Maana jab aap bazaar mein phal khareedne jaate hain, kuch phal kabhi kharaab bhi nikalte hain. Toh hum kya karte hai? Jald se jald unhein dustbin mein phenk dete hain. Unse doosrein phalon ka bigadne ka khatra rehta hain. Pata nahi kyon, man ki iss almaari mein maine yeh khatte experiences ab tak jamaa karke rakhe hain. Inhein toh pehle hi din phenk dena chahiye tha. Shaayad yeh isliye padey they kyonki maine man ki almaari kai dino se saaf nahi ki thi. Haan isi wajah se yeh hua hoga. Toh about kya, maine unn saare experiences aur unse joodi saari memories ko ikkatha kiya aur ek bade se dustbin mein jaakar phenk diya. Achaanak se man thoda halka mehsoos hone laga. Shaayad ab meri zindagi mein kuch naye expereinces ke liye jaga bani hai.

Aise karte karte maine saari almaari chaan mari. Kitni jagah aise hi kai experiences maine jamaa kar rakhe they pata nahi kyon. Kai experiences aur unki memories inti purani thi ki unpe dhool jami hui thi. Jab unpe se main dhool hataati tab pata chalta ki arey yeh to woh wala experience hai jo mujhe ab shaayad yaad bhi nahi hain.

Phir waqt aaya, man ki almaari ki tijori kholne ka. Bahut darr lag raha tha. Pata nahi kya kya bharaa hoga yahan. Pata nahi kya kya maine barson se sambhaal ke rakhaa hain yahaan. Aur jab yeh sab baahar niklega, kya main issey sambhaal paaongi? Khair aaj saaf safaai ka din hain, toh tijori bhi saaf toh karni hi padegi. Toh kya tha, bas maine ishwar ka naam liye aur dhire se darte hue tijori khol di. Kaafi dhool jami thi tijori mein. Ab mujhe yaad bhi nahi tha kya rakha tha issmein sambhaalkar. Itni dhool thi ki maine ek geela kapda liya aur har ek cheez jo rakhi thi ussey ghis ghis kar saaf karna chalu  kiya. Jaise hi pehli cheez par se dhool ki chaddar hati, maine dekha woh ek choti si nanhi si gudiya thi. Jo bilkul meri tarah hi dikti thi. Arey haan, phir yaad aaya ki yeh gudiya maine apne haathon se banaai thi. Issey  maine bahut hi sundar aur hamesha hasti rahe waise banaaya thi. Aur haan yeh gudiya ki khaasiyat yeh thi ki yeh hamesha gungunaati rehti thi. Aise kar karke kaafi saare khilone nikle meri tijori se. Ek hawaaijahaaz, jo mujhe door sair karne ki yaad dilaata tha. Mere ghoongroo. Mera multicoloured chashma. Woh sundar sa chota musicbox...

Phir waqt aaya meri uss tijori ki woh choti tijori kholne ka. Main wait hi nahi kar paa rahi thi yeh dekhne ke liye ki usmein hoga kya. Toh maine phatak se woh kholdi. Wahan ek chota sa box rakha tha. Bas ek hi box tha. Sundar, safed silk coatingwala box. Mujhe yaad aa gaya ismein kya maine sambhaalke rakha tha. Maine ek lambi saans li aur halke se uss box ko khola. Chamakte hue motiyon se wahan pade miley mujhe mere kuch sapne. Aaj bhi woh usi tarah chamak rahey they jaise maine unhein kai saalon pehle rakha tha. Lekin ye saade moti nahi they. Unko maine apne haath me liya. Haath mein lete hi ek ajeeb si garmaahat mehsoos ki maine. Waise hi garmaahat jo shaayad aapne apni maa ke haatho mein feel ki hogi jab bhi woh aapke sir pe haath pherti hai. Ek sukoon bhari garmahat. Ek aisi garmaahat jo aankhon ko nam karde. Main kayi ghanton tak un sapno ko haatho mein liye wohi baithi rahi.

Pata nahi kyon itne samay se maine man ki almaari kyon nahi kholi thi? Pata nahi rozzmara ki zindagi mein, paise, naam, shohrat kamaane ki daud mein main kaise bhool gayi ki mere paas sabse naayab, sabse invaluable, sabse precious cheez already se hi thi. Meri almari ki sabse chotiwali tijori mein maine meri life ki sabse invaluable poonji jamaa kar ke rakhi thi.. woh safed moti, mere sapne. Jinhe aaj bhi haath mein lete hi garmaahat mehsoos hoti hain. Yehi garmaahat, unke aaj bhi zinda hona ka saboot hain.

Din dhal gaya hain. Maine meri saaf suthri man ki almaari kuch ghanton pehle bandh kar di hain. Par iss baar maine uske darwaze par taala nahi lagaya. Maine sapno ko waapas us chote se bakse mein sambhaal ke rakh diya hain. Par unki garmaahat ab bhi mere haathon mein mehsoos hoti hain....

26th August 2014

Hichkichahat...

    

    Hichkichahat life ko kitni interesting banati hain. Jab aap kissise se milte hain, pehli baar, aap kai choti choti cheezon mein hichkichate hain. Agar maine aisa kahaa aur ussey bura lag jaayega toh? Kya mujhe yeh karna chahiye? Woh mere bare mein kya sochegi wagera wagera. Kuch logon ke saath rishta sirf hichkichahat par bana hota hain. Na hum unhein mitaane ki koshish karte hain, aur na who ussey kam karne ki… Jaise ek badi si deewar ho do logon ke beech. Aur shaayad who rishta ussi deewar pe tika ho. Deewar na ho, toh shaayad who rishta bhi na ho.  Par kuch log hotein hain, jo bas chand mulaakaaton mein, ya kabhi kabhi chand ghanton mein, ya kuch baton se humaare is tarah kareeb aa jaate hain ki who hichkichahat jaise pigal si jaati hain. Kabhi kabaar to sirf ek joke, ya sirf ek touch hi kaafi hota hain uss deewar ko giraane ke liye. Aur achanak aisa lagta hain jaise hum ek-doosre ko kaafi arse se jaante hain… Shaayad yeh uss kshan se aata hain jab hum sochte hain ki hmmm.. yeh bilkul mere jaise hi hain to phir deewar ki zaroorat hi nahi hain. Kabhi aaine aur apne beech kisi deewar ko mehsoos kiya hai aapne?  Ya phir uss soch se ki yeh kaafi alag hain mujhse. Yeh apni jagah theek hain aur main apni jagah sahi. Na mujhe ussey badalni ki zaroorat hain na uske liye mujhe badalna padega. Hum dono baraabar hain, aur ek hi saath jee sakte hain…

    Jab Hichkichahat ki who deewar gir jaati hain. Toh uski kalpana bhi funny ho jaati hain. Phir jab hum milte hain toh aksar aisi baatein kartein hain ki, pata hain jab hum pehli baar mile they toh mujhe to laga tha tum kuch waise they, aur yeh maatra ek hansi ka topic ban jaata hain. Chahe jo bhi ho, hichkicahat ka hona, ya phir uss deewar ka ekdum se gir jaana, life ko kaafi interesting banaata hai. Nahi?  

Bhaade ki cycle...

    Un dino hum cycle bhaade pe liya karte they. Ek chhota sa garage hua karta tha, actually shaayad ussey garage nahi keh sakte. Un dino mere area se dharavi ke liye ek walkway bridge hua karta tha. Usike neeche ek choti si jagah mein hua karti thi toni ki cyle ki dukaan. Aap uss bridge ke paas jaate, aur aapko door se hi dher saari cycle baahar mooh karti dikhaai deti. Toni ke paas saari kism ki cycle hua karti thi. Badi,choti yahan tak ki tricycles bhi.  Sabse zyaada chalti thi who thi BMX cycles. Sunday ko Tv par uski ads bhi bahut baar aati thi. Par meri jo favourite cycle thi who BMX nahi thi. Who ek purani si blue colour ki cycle thi jiska naam bhi mit gaya tha. Mujhe who isliye pasand thi kyonki who bas bilkul meri height ki thi. Jaise mere liye hi banaayi gayi ho. Garmi ki chhuttiyon mein har roz  cycle chalaane ki permission milti thi. Atthani mein aadha ghanta, aur ek rupaiye mein poora ek ghanta. Meri mummy uss mamle mein kaafi dildaar thi. Harroz hamein ek rupaiya milta tha cycle chalaane ke liye. Aur phir kya, pocket mein do khanakti athhani daali aur shaan se chal pade toni ki dukaan ke liye. Lekin kaafi dafa aisa hota tha ki aap toni ke paas pahunche aur bas tabhi hi koi bachcha aapki favouritewaali cycle lekar jaa raha hota tha. Aap ussey rok toh nahi sakte they kyonki is cycle pe uska bhi shaayad utna hi haq tha jitna aapka. Who atthani deta, aur aadhe ghante ke liye cycle uski ho jaati. Shaayad aaj apne mashooq ko kisi aur ki bahon mein sochkar jaisi feeling aati hain, uss samay woh feeling aisi hi kuch hua karti thi. Phir kya, aapke paas toh ek hi ghanta hai, toh aap phir koi bhi doosri cycle uthaate they aur round maarne nikal padte they. Par phir agle din, toni ki dukaan khulne se pehle hi wahan pe pahunch jaate they. Jaisi hi dukaan khuli, bas jhat se apni cycle ko pakad lete they aur ek rupaiya jhat se toni ke haath mein thamaa dete they. Jaane ke waqt who kalwaala bachcha aata tha, aur aap seena phulaakar apni cycle ko kasskar pakde hue uske saamne se gujarte they. Phir chalaane mein jo mazaa aata tha, who shaayad apni khud ki personal cycle chalaane mein bhi na aata hoga…

    Rule yeh tha ki toni ke paas se cycle bhaade par lo, phir apni galli mein jaake chalao taaki mummy ki nazar hardam aap par tiki rahe. Kaafi baar mummy apne rasoikaam mein busy ho jaati thi. Aisa mauka haath mein aaya nahi aur bas cycle lekar un galliyon ki taraf chal diye jahan par aapka jaana allowed nahi tha. Kyon? Kyonki who galliyan dharavi ke nazdeek thi aur wahan choriyan bahut hoti hain. Waise wahan chalte hue darr lagta tha, par jab cycle par they, socha karte they ki aa jaane do chor ko. Aaya toh cycle itni tezz daudaani hai ki who kabhi pakaad hi na paaye.  Iss khayaal mein kuch gazab ka romanch tha. Aur aise palon mein ek gazab si azaadi mehsoos hoti thi.

Aaj shaayad apni gaadi mein bhi main kuch aisi bastiyon se gujarti hoon jahaan choriyaan bahut hoti hain. Par mujhe who azaadi nahi mehsoos hoti. Balki ek darr sa bana rehta hain. Kuch anhoni hone ka darr.  Jab main sochti hoon tab aisi kuchh khaas cheez khayaal mein nahi aati jiske khone par mujhe bahut hi dukh hoga. Phir bhi ek darr bana rehta hai. Shaayad bachpan mein kuch khone ka dard mehsoos nahi kiya tha toh kuch khone ka darr bhi nahi tha… Jo tha, who thi khuli sansein, thandi hawan  aur haathon mein apni favourie bhaade ki cycle…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Momma says...

I still like to chase butterflies
I still like the old woman and her hut on the moon
I still like to jump around when I am happy
I still fall in love with every person who makes me happy
I still like riddles, long, short weird riddles
I still dream about the stars and about reaching them
I still like when Jerry fools Tom
I still get scared when I am alone
I still think every christmas Santa comes doen and distributes gifts to little children
I still like to make bubbles
I still think everyone who calls you a friend, is your friend
I still like painting a house a sun and birds
I still like nice pink candyfloss
I still like to play... anything
I still like to dance in the first rain...

Momma says I need to grow up.

Tasveerein...

Kabhi kabhi kuch tasveerein aapke saath rehte rehte badi ho jati hai. Agar vo tasveer, tasveer na hokar ek aisa vyakti hota jiske saath aap aaj bhi baithkar har shaam chai peete hain, toh who shaayad abhi bhi utni hi hoti. Phir ek vaqt aata hai, ki who tasveer itni badi ho jaati hai, ki ghar mein har bulaye- binbulaaye mehmaan ki nazar sabse pehle ussi par padti hai. Aap chaahe ya na chaahe who pooch hi lete hai… yeh kya hai? kya haal banaa kar rakha hai?

Maine bhi ek aisi hi tasveer apne ghar ke drawing room ke beecho beech sajaa kar rakhi thi. Main keh sakti hoon, ki yeh mere zindagi ki sabse sunder, sabse adbhoot tasveer rahi hai. Best days of my life.Par ab sochti hoon ki, issey main ek sandook mein sambhalkar rakh doon. Uss din, maine apne sandook mein uss tasveer ko daalne ki koshish ki. Par woh uss sandook mein jaa hi na paayi, jaise shaayad main tumhaari zindagi mein kabhi sama hi naa payi…

Pata hi nahi ki who tasveer utni badi ho gayi, yaa mera sandook chota...

- From my play 'Mrignaini', August 2008